


Catastrophe

by Separate_The_Earth



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Cid doesn’t know anything about animals, Crack, Gen, Vincent gets turned into a cat, and Vincent ends up naked, crackfic, genfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 08:21:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14040111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Separate_The_Earth/pseuds/Separate_The_Earth
Summary: A battle’s lasting status effects turns Vincent into a cat, and Cid tries to get him fixed.





	Catastrophe

**Author's Note:**

> Based off a prompt.
> 
> Prompt: Cat AU. It's a normal day for your characters, when... POOF. Everyone has suddenly been turned into talking cats.

Well fuck, Vince.” Cid scratched his head as he looked at his hapless companion. “Looks like it’s all going up shit creek for you.

Vincent glared up to the now much noticeably taller pilot. “I wonder what gave you that impression…” He said dryly, obviously not enjoying his predicament.

It was only moments earlier that the two were fighting some new monster that popped up outside of Midgar. The thing seemed harmless enough, aside from one pesky, annoying detail. Or rather, two. The first issue was its speed. It was fast and was guaranteed to get a few hits in. Thankfully, it didn’t hit hard. The second, but most important issue was an annoying variant on a familiar problem.

Instead of turning the target into a frog with each attack, it would randomly turn its target into a tiny, furry cat. To the pilot and shapeshifter’s knowledge, there was no cure. Maiden’s Kiss, Potions, Remedies, or anything else were not effective.

Vincent Valentine lashed his tail angrily. “Perhaps we should not have killed it.” His ear twitched. He poked sadly at the pile of clothes and belongings on the ground. “I’d very much appreciate it if we didn’t tell anyone just yet, until at least we find a solution.”

Cid scratched his chin and nodded in agreement. “Suppose you’re right there. I can only imagine Yuffie’s face when she sees ya.”

He flicked his whiskers in annoyance.

“Yeesh, alright, alright, calm your jets.” He took a drag from his cigarette as he thought. “What about those demons of yours, think they can fix it?”

“No.”

Cid shrugged as he helped pick up Vincent’s belongings and tossed them into Cloud’s truck. He then picked up Vincent by the scruff of the neck and began carrying him towards the truck, trying not to drop his squirming friend. “Hold still! I ain’t much of a cat person.” Cid placed Vincent in the passenger’s seat before taking the wheel.

He drove towards Midgar, being sure to drop by Hunter’s HQ to collect the bounty. Cid looked through the shelves of potions and other recovery items, being sure to grab whatever so he could dump it on his now furry friend. Walking back to the truck, he immediately noticed Vincent sitting patiently in the seat, ears twitching slightly. Cid sighed in defeat as he held out the concoction of remedies to his friend.

Vincent made what could be considered a distressed cat noise.

“What’d you think happen if we just dunked you in some Mako for a few seconds?” Cid glanced over to his disapproving friend. “No?” He drove in silence. “What about a vet?”

“A vet?”

“Yeah, I dunno, you’d think that people would go in, complaining about being turned into frogs.” Cid nodded in self agreement. “Yeah, frogs. Same thing as being turned into a frog.”

“Cats are not amphibians, Cid.”

“You don’t think I know that! I don’t see you thinking of any solutions to your problem.”

Vincent sat in silence.

“Vet it is then.”

“I’d rather not have the pet owners of Midgar know of my predicament.”

“Then don’t let them.” Cid grinned down to Vincent. “Just act like a cat, we’ll take you to the vet, then they’ll fix you, and we’ll walk out the back door like nothing ever happened.” He gave his uneasy friend a reassuring thumbs up. “What could go wrong?”

Cid drove around until he found a proper looking veterinarian's office in a nice part of the city. The pilot parked in an alley, hoping it was close enough to a back door for a quick get away. He picked up Vincent and wrapped him in his cloak.

“What about my pants, Cid?”

“You’re a cat, you don’t need pants!” Cid said, though a little bit too proudly.

“And after the fact?”

“That’s why I grabbed your cape.”

“Right, how foolish of me to doubt you.” Vincent deadpanned.

Cid snorted as he walked into the vet’s office. Vincent crinkled his little kitty nose, senses being assaulted by all sorts of smells. His ears twitched as the sounds of other animals filled the room. Shaking his head, he burrowed into his cloak, hoping that soon the ordeal will be over.

Cid walked up to the receptionist and held Vincent out. “My buddy here needs to be fixed, can you do it?”

The receptionist nodded politely. “Luckily for you, the next appointment just cancelled.” She motioned for Cid to take a seat and wait.

“Lucky us, she said they could fix you right up!”

Vincent curled up in Cid’s lap, trying to relax. It was only a short time until the vet walked out and motioned for Cid and Vincent.  
The vet looked at Vincent and gave a smile, ruffling the fur on his head. “Don’t worry little buddy, we’ll get you all set.”

“Luckily we found the place that’d fix him up on the first go.” Cid gently handed Vincent over. “This whole mess should be over soon. Can’t believe you all do this often.”

The vet nodded and took Vincent into his office. The cat stared back to his friend, almost pleading with him to come with. The door closed behind them, leaving Vincent alone with a stranger in some sort of operating room. Vincent’s stomach dropped. He looked around as he was placed on a table, taking note of the tiny surgical instruments littered about. Something didn’t seem right.

“Alright Mr. Kitty, time for the Ol’ Snip Snip.”

Vincent didn’t like the sound of that. Snip Snip? Mr. Kitty? Suddenly the vet grabbed him firmly by the scruff of the neck and brought a mask to his face. He caught a whiff of whatever was coming out and began to feel sleepy.

Cid asked them to fix him, not drug him.

Suddenly the realization hit him.

They were going to fix him. As in spaying him like he was actually a cat. Not fix his transformation issue.

Both Turk and cat instincts kicked in, causing Vincent to yowl in protest. He scratched the vet’s hand, causing him to let go in pain. Vincent jumped onto the vet’s head and up onto a shelf, out of reach.

The vet tried to coax him down, but Vincent puffed up and vigorously shook his head. Vincent noticed the vet making a grab for him, and quickly jumped on the man’s head and launched himself into the direction of the table. Furious, the doctor lunged towards Vincent. The Turk quickly hopped out of the way and onto the counter.

Vincent felt his whiskers tingle and sneezed.

Cid heard screams from the vet’s office and quickly rushed in, grabbing Vincent’s cloak in the process. He burst into the office to see a terrified veterinarian on the floor and a naked, embarrassed Vincent sitting on the counter, trying to cover up.

“What the hell happened in here!”

The vet stood up, pointing to the naked man.

“Your cat turned into this man!”

Cid crossed his arms. “Well yeah! You said you’d fix him, and you did. What’s so surprising?”

“I thought you meant spay!”

Vincent sat on the counter, face red with embarrassment. “My cloak, Cid.”

Cid tossed Vincent his cloak, who gratefully used it to cover up. He then turned back to the vet. “You tried to chop off my friend’s balls! What does fix mean to you?”

“Think about it.” Vincent said quietly, trying to get his cloak to cover all the important bits.

“I’m a rocket scientist, not a biologist!”

The disgruntled vet just shook his head nervously.

“Tell no one.” Vincent glared at both Cid and the vet. They both shook their heads in agreement. “Where’s the back door?”

“And not the one in your ass.” Cid quickly added in.

The vet pointed to a door off to the side of the room. Vincent quickly went over to it and peeked out, confirming that it was the alleyway.

“Damn Vince, anyone tell you to get a tan? You’re really fucking white.”

Vincent quickly glared at the pilot and closed the door behind him, going to the truck to put on his clothes.

Cid snorted and dropped a few Gil on the operating table. “Here’s some extra to keep your mouth shut.” After that, Cid walked out through the waiting room and to the truck. He was greeted by an embarrassed Vincent who was hiding his face in his cloak.

“Never speak of this again.”


End file.
